Kensie's 3rd Birthday

Sweet Kensie's life is so intertwined with Nick's for me.  I was 6 months pregnant with her when Nick was diagnosed.  Even my labor induction with her was scheduled around Nick's in-patient chemo.  Before she was too mobile, I used to bring her with us to the hospital with Nick because he said "I like it better when she's here."  When she first learned how to give kisses, she couldn't stop herself.  She kissed everyone...frequently.  Her "Kensie Kisses" brought light and love to rooms filled with poison and fear. 

Today, Kensie turned 3.  I was prepared to reminisce.  Like when we were remembering how she stopped breathing--twice--during her first day of life and had to spend the night in the nursery for observation.  Or when we were looking at her newborn photos and the photos of her second birthday.  I think every mom feels a little melancholy over how fast time flies when their little ones have a birthday or graduation or wedding or whatever milestone they reach that punctuates how these babies grow up and away far faster than a mother would like.

When Kensie has a birthday, my mind jumps right back to where we were when she was born.  Being pregnant, her low amniotic fluid, her birth, having a newborn to love and care for...They were all concepts that I couldn't fully grasp at the time.  My whole heart.  My whole head.  My whole being was dedicated to Nick.  I wish she had been born to a mother who could plan a layette and buy make a scrapbook and clean the house to nest for her.  Despite having 8 children before her, the experience of pregnancy felt foreign and surreal. 

Even though I feel guilt and loss for not fully appreciating her pregnancy and early days, she never noticed a thing.  She burst into the world full of love and spunk and life.  She embraced us and supported us, all of us--but especially Nick, innocently and passionately.  I can't think about Kensie at any stage of her life and not laugh...She is such a spark plug and brings our family so much energy and joy.

Drifting back in time made me remember the baby clothes and gifts people gave us for Kensie before she arrived.  Which made me remember the garage sale our school friends organized to benefit our family.  Which made me remember the t-shirts one of the parents made for the event.  Which made me remember the kids who shaved their heads...some over and over...to support Nick as he lost his hair to radiation and chemo.  Mostly, I am always amazed that these parents allowed, and probably even pushed, their kids to support Nick...play with him...embrace him...At a time when many would run away.  I imagine there was fear for these families that Nick would die, and the closer their child was to him, the more that would damage their own child.  But these friends and their parents didn't flinch.  One family in particular shaved their sons hair over and over again all through treatment and beyond.  They came to the hospital and took Nick on vacation with them.  They drew him closer during treatment and continue to hold him close today.  I feel that so deeply...that kindness...It overwhelms me sometimes. 

Remembering the bittersweet early months of her life is leaving me a little raw.  I hate to remember the fear and the pain and the anger that took over my heart while Nick was in treatment.  I hate to remember that Nick was sick.  I hate to remember that Nick could get sick again.

But the joy, the light.  I hold onto that today and every day of  Kensie's life.  That is Kensie's gift, our gift.  Love.  Hope.  Grace. I will never fully understand God's plan, but I celebrate Kensie's birthday and her life with a grateful heart--sentimental and wounded--but very grateful. 

Happy Birthday Kensie Rosie Baby!

Sunrise Strong

For over 3 years, since Nick was diagnosed with brain cancer, we have been hosting fundraisers at Mini & Me for Rady Children's Hospital.  We've collected money, toys, gift cards, toiletries, Valentine's...I've coordinated other groups' donations and delivered them to Rady's.  We even hosted the SHINE fashion show (http://vimeo.com/81107802) last year as an effort to raise donations for Rady's and feature the gorgeous oncology models and their moms.

Recently, as I both started working on larger fundraisers for the hospital and evaluating whether or not to continue with Mini & Me where and how it exists today (the lease is ending soon...), I decided my fundraising needed to be more organized to be more effective.  It needs a name.  It needs a business plan.  A mission statement.  Something people can understand, sympathize with, identify with, and easily recognize by name and logo.

After Nick told me after his brain surgery "This is going to be life changing...But I'm strong," I knew that "STRONG" was my new favorite word...my theme...the name of a foundation if we ever built one.  When the time came, our family sat around the computer dreaming up names and checking them against available websites on GoDaddy.com.  We finally tossed "Sunrise" into the ring...A symbol of hope and renewal.  Bright, happy, warm.  And www.sunrisestrong.com was available on GoDaddy.com!!  So our foundation was founded...On a Sunday afternoon.  In our living room.  "Sunrise Strong"

So far, we've hosted a lemonade stand at Mini & Me (www.miniandmeboutique.com)

And we've started a GoFundMe.com page--http://www.gofundme.com/SunriseStrong

We even filmed for a promotional video yesterday with the awesome Christina Fleming of Murasaki Media!

We still need a logo and non-profit paperwork filed, but we have amazing friends willing to work on both projects for us...pro bono.  I sometimes feel like I've put the cart in front of the horse, things are coming together so quickly.  But things that are meant to be sometimes do that...They just click and work and get started quickly and smoothly.  I pray every day that Sunrise Strong will be that foundation that grows easily and quickly and provides comfort and support for decades and decades for families struggling through hardships caused by childhood cancer.  

Nick and I and JoAnn Sloan went to Rady's with our first load of official Sunrise Strong donations yesterday.  We talked to Andie, a child life specialist, and we're a little clearer on the needs at the hospital.  We look forward to working more with Rady's and eventually hospitals across the country.  

And no, I don't know the future of Mini & Me...We will continue to exist as a web store, but I'm not sure if we will continue to have a store front presence in San Diego.  Ideally, I will be able to rent a more industrial space that is larger than the store front we have now.  We need space for storage and distribution.  We need a workroom.  And if we can have a small retail showroom, too, that would be awesome!  Stay tuned on that project...

And while I'm thinking about it--San Diego folks, please mark your calendars--AJ from Energy 103.7 will be going up in the Crane for AJ'S KIDS on November 7th in the IKEA parking lot in Mission Valley.  He lives in the crane for a week until he collects at least 100,000 toys for Rady's kids every year.  This year, on November 8th, his morning show producer, Hula Ramos, is hosting the first "Babyfest at the Crane" from 10:00-2:00.  I'm helping coordinate vendors and entertainers, and this event will be AWESOME!!!  Please join us!!